Lost. Scared. Lonely. Shaken. Sad. Angry. Bitter. Relieved. Hopeful. These are just some of the stops along the emotional roller coaster that is divorce. It’s not anything that anyone should have to endure alone. Divorce has become so commonplace that there are tons of resources available to help you survive the process with at least some level of dignity.
First, let me tell you the one resource NOT to rely on – FRIENDS AND FAMILY! Don’t get me wrong, they’re great for a shoulder to cry on and to keep you distracted and to remind you that you are loved, but their advice is often misguided, uninformed, and downright damaging to your ability to think straight. Do your best to get advice from objective professionals and NOT biased family and friends.
The resources that I think EVERYONE needs during the process and for at least a little while after are:
- A Good Therapist – There is just so much emotional trauma caused by divorce that you really need to talk it through with a qualified professional. This is the only way you can hope to form relationships that aren’t doomed to repeat your past. A therapist will help you explore your role in the end of your marriage so you can get clear about your goals for the next phase of your life. Not to mention, too many people tend to let their emotions spill out during their meetings with their attorney or mediator. They end up paying $300+/hour to someone they hired to do something completely different! Hire the proper professional to share your feelings with and save the attorney or mediator meetings for what they are intended.
- CDFA™ or Financial Planner – The most common and paralyzing fear that nearly everyone feels in divorce is “Will I be ok financially?” It’s inevitable. Before you agree to any settlement, you really need a second set of eyes and some financial projections so you know what you’re going to be looking at. Divorce is tough and during it we tend to focus a lot on the right now. Hiring the right person for financial guidance will assure you comfort and security for the future.
- The Internet – Divorce has become big business. New resource sites pop up every day offering a wealth of free information, downloads, blogs, referrals, directories, etc. It can be somewhat overwhelming so just pick out what you connect with and leave the rest. Go slow. Be kind to yourself. Also, Meetup.com is a great resource for local divorce support groups. Going to a few is a good idea but don’t let yourself sink in too long. Recovery is supposed to be about getting better and I know too many people that stay stuck in grieving and never move on. Use a support group to move through the process and then – move on.
This is going to be a challenging time in your life. Ultimately, you will be stronger, happier, and ok – as long as you choose to. Use the resources available to you to make good decisions for yourself. Today truly is the first day of the rest of your life.