Frustration: the feeling of being upset or annoyed, especially because of inability to change or achieve something. Sound familiar? The overwhelming lack of control during the divorce process can keep you in a loop of negative thinking that only keeps you in the anxious state of mind, but there are ways to kick this feeling to the curb. Understand that there are things beyond your control, but don’t let them have any power over your mind. Easier said than done, I know, but overthinking is the art of creating problems that don’t exist. Don’t give those problems the light of day! Follow these little tips to keep your mind off a recent divorce so you can focus on living the life you’ve always wanted.
- Forgive but don’t forget
Things fall apart, so they can fall into place. In order to be able to get over anything, you need to be at peace about whatever happened. Forgive your ex. More importantly forgive yourself. Even if the divorce wasn’t solely your doing, blaming yourself for letting it get to the point of divorce will only hold you back from getting back on your feet. Take it easy on yourself. Life just took a hairpin turn and you’re holding on for dear life…let go. It’s okay.
Just because you can’t change what happened, doesn’t mean you’ve lost all control. Where you go from here is completely up to you. The saying goes forgive and forget…but don’t forget. Learn from what happened and make sure you don’t make the same mistakes. Don’t hold a grudge, but remember how the divorce made you feel. We’re all human and we all make mistakes. It’s not the struggles in our life that define us, but rather how we handle them.
- Foster physical and emotional growth
So get out there. Make connections with new people. Stop living in the past and move on to what the rest of your life has in store for you. Go to the little get togethers your friends have been bugging you to go to for the last couple months. Getting together with people that aren’t focused on your divorce will introduce something new into your life, forcing you to focus on something else. Try not to talk about the separation in depth with your new friends. Reserve these talks with someone who knows who you are and what you’re going through. This way you won’t have to relive the experiences and your new friends won’t think of you only as the recent divorcee. Talking about it is healthy, but only if it helps you excel in other aspects of your life.
If you’re not one to talk about it, (or if you are) doing something that gets your blood pumping is a great alternative. Not only will this force you to focus on pushing yourself physically (getting that summer bod you always wanted) but study after study show that exercise promotes the release of endorphins and other neurotransmitters such as serotonin, dopamine, and norepinephrine. Regular exercise will increase the levels of these mood regulating chemicals in your brain and will help you have a better overall outlook on the recent events of your life.
- Focus on your goals
Setting goals for yourself is one of the first steps to moving on. Whether you want to read more books or if you want to get promotion at work, pursuing goals is a great way to keep divorce off your mind. Set aside time each day and dedicate it to your goals. Make sure your goals are realistic and achievable so you can see the progress you’re making. This will ensure that you’re spending energy on bettering yourself every single day, instead of thinking about the divorce. Write your goals down. Make it a part of your daily routine and it’ll become an integral part of your life. Let the struggles and frustrations of divorce fall by the wayside and focus on bettering yourself.
- Step outside your comfort zone
Life begins at the edge of your comfort zone. Push yourself to feel a little uncomfortable every week and you’ll start to see yourself grow. This means something different for everyone. It might be talking to someone about the feelings you’re having about the divorce. It might be not talking about how you’re feeling. Everyone has different comfort zones, but expanding these is when life gets interesting. New things will enter your life and old things will leave your life as you grow as a person. You’ll realize what really matters and see things you were unnecessarily holding on to. In a way, feeling the slightest bit of discomfort puts things into perspective and it’ll change the way you think about your recent divorce and where to go from here.
- Embrace the change
I’m sure it’s become very apparent already that your life is going to drastically change now that you’ve gotten a divorce. Maybe you have to learn how to budget your finances or adapt to living in a new place alone. Regardless of what changes are thrown your way, embrace them. Change brings growth, goals, and stepping outside of your comfort zone together and forces you to deal with all three at the same time. This leaves very little room to wallow about the divorce. The only thing that’s constant is that nothing is constant. Refusing to change as your environment changes will trap you in the past. Embrace it with open arms and see how you can turn a seemingly terrible situation into a great one.
Keeping your mind off a recent divorce is tough, especially with overwhelming feelings of frustration or sadness. Even hope of rekindling the spark you once knew and loved can be a negative feeling at this point in time. Stop thinking about it. Accept and learn from what has happened and grow from it. Set goals and do what it takes to achieve them, even if it means doing things you’re not entirely comfortable with. Put yourself out there. Make new friends. Do new things and you’ll be amazed at the life you can create for yourself.